Our Journey to adoption

Adoption is something I have always wanted to do. When I met Donovan and had the "how many kids do you want" conversation I was excited to find he felt the same way. At the time, I thought maybe we would have trouble conceiving and then just adopt a bunch of kids. Right now we are very thankful for our daughter Madalyn and other daughter due in a few months. However the desire to adopt has not gone away, it has actually become stronger. I am guessing this is because more parenting instincts have surfaced and we both hate now more than ever to know a child is in need. With that said, after our miscarriage in January we took the Foster parenting class here in Durham. After completing the class, we will probably not adopt through this system. The goal of foster parenting is always reunification with a biological family member and you have no idea when they may be picked up from your home after living with you. The process is very drawn out and younger children with minor health problems usually go to family members. The real need is for families who are able to adopt older children. Being that we have a two year daughter and are fairly young ourselves, we obviously will not be adopting a 15 year old child. Adopting through the foster system is the most cost effective way to go about it. Private and international adoptions through a agency run about 20,000 and up. The two least expensive international countries are Haiti and Ethiopia. (Russia is very expensive) We also have to take into account restrictions placed on the adopting family by the country the child is from. There are a lot. Examples: age, income, how long you have been married, how many children you currently have, etc. We do not have a preference on gender or race so that is in our favor. I have always felt when the time is right, the pieces will fall into place and this has not happened yet so we will keep waiting and praying. The Lord finishes what he starts and I know he has placed this desire in our hearts. Waiting and praying for children you know nothing about is much harder than being pregnant. At least I get to see this child and feel a little control over the situation. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Having a failed adoption is a common scenario. It is a emotional roller coaster but I remind myself, the Lords grace is enough and he has called us to take care of the orphans. If he has called us, I know he will equip us. Our next step is to get a home study done(when someone approves your house) and work on our savings fund. Some may say, you are pregnant, why are you doing this now? Well, we don’t want to be unprepared when the time is right and often times it can easily take a year to complete an adoption. Updates to comeJ

Inside the mind of a pregnant woman

 

The journey of parenthood is without a doubt the most exciting and yet scary adventure I have ever chosen to pursue. Madalyn and this baby were both conceived the old fashioned fun way. Fast forward a few weeks and a couple pee sticks later and the reality hit me. A baby is coming! Even though I have been pregnant before and should know what to expect, I must have chosen to forget some minor details. Now that I really think about it, I do remember days that my hips were sore, my left arm tingled and I wanted to go to bed at 7:00pm. I guess the forgetfulness that many women (including myself) experience during pregnancy is actually a blessing in disguise. Either way, I wanted to put in writing my thoughts for today so they don’t get lost amidst my pregnant brain and chasing after a toddler. Now that I am 24 weeks, I am noticeably "with child" and almost everywhere I go someone wants to talk about it. This is no problem for me because I love to talk. But, I must say some of the questions and conversations are quite amusing. Recently, a lady said "so, I see you are expecting?" I was dying to respond with I don’t know what you are talking about, but I resisted. Then came the usual: when are you due? What are you having? Have you decided on a name? How are you feeling? blah blah blah. I must say, my answer to the how are you feeling varies greatly day to day. Some days I think, this is amazing and I could do this five more times. Other days I conclude I will not have any more biological children after this one and that’s that. I find it ironic that during pregnancy you are more achy and have more headaches but don’t want to take any pain relievers. Not to mention, I am more tired than ever before and I am supposed to limit my caffeine. The stress of all this "should and should not crap" makes me want a glass of red wine which I cannot actually enjoy because it may cause fetal alcohol syndrome. So maybe I will take a relaxing bath. Oh wait, it has to be luke warm so I don’t get over heated. Sheesh. I am pretty sure all the worrying is exponentially worse than a glass of wine, a hot bath and a sushi dinner combined. On that note, as a mom I would do it all again without hesitation for Madalyn so I know I will feel the same way once I meet this baby. Feeling her kick, even if it’s in the middle of the night which tends to be the case quickly makes me forget all the petty symptoms of pregnancy. After all, what an opportunity to get to grow another human being from something microscopic into a baby. Yeah, it’s a hard job, but someone’s got to do it:)

Being a stay at home mom (sahm) in 2012

Since January 1st of this year, I have gotten the luxury of having the official job title of "homemaker" and very part-time nanny (usually 5-10 hours a week). I have recently been contemplating about how long can I do this “job” well. Being a self motivated pregnant mom at home with a 2 year old has plenty of challenges. Not to mention in today’s culture it is the social norm to drive 2 nice cars, cover the mortgage plus all other accompanying bills, and still have money to spend as you desire year-round. It is no wonder that 2 parents working has become expected. How else could you possibly ‘keep up” without marrying a doctor. On that note, this week I had an OB appointment, and the physician I saw who was an older man said “your medical chart is pretty boring, so tell me about yourself”. I took full advantage of talking with another adult and shared about being an at home mom. His response surprised me. First he said, I have a daughter who is also 24 but is in grad school. She will probably be like most of my patients who come in here in their mid thirties, fully engrossed in their careers and have a “difficult pregnancy” then she will have a hard time juggling that career with being a mom and having a healthy marriage. I said well at least she will be finically stable. He nodded his head but replied, my biggest regret in life was missing so much time my children because I ran a successful practice. I left feeling very encouraged that although I do not get a pay check every week, I get the privilege of time with Madalyn while she is young. Something I can never go back and get.