I never thought my child would have a severe peanut allergy...

I am hesitant to share my journey as a mom with a child of severe allergies because it is not my story alone to share and many people are quick to blame the parents in this situation. However, my hope is, this story will end with more compassion and hope for my daughter. My oldest child is now 4 and it is time to choose a school for her. Unfortunately one of the major influences in our decision making is if the school is a nut free school or not. I never saw myself on this road. I was probably at one time a person who thought all of these food allergies are a pain and do not effect me directly so whatever. Then I had my first child and in so many ways, my opinions and what I thought of the world changed overnight. She came out perfect but little, and after months of trying to get her to gain weight unsuccessfully, I switched to formula. I figured the problem with her gaining weight must have been my fault. When we introduced formula to her diet she immediately broke out in severe eczema. At the time I just assumed she unfortunately had inherited my eczema problems and she would soon out grow it as I did. However hers only seemed to get worse and worse. I was embarrassed to take this beautiful baby girl out in public because she was constantly covered in a horrific rash. People would actually ask me "what happened to her face?” no matter which creams we tried, and we tried a lot, I could never get her skin completely cleared up. Then a family member who is a pediatrician suggested allergy testing. Fast forward a few months and we had our answer. My daughter had several allergies that included the one that no parent wants to hear, peanuts. Ugh! what did I do wrong? How did this happen? I followed the book with my pregnancy. I don’t have any food allergies. What does this mean exactly? I am not responsible enough to have to prepare meals for a child with food allergies. Will we ever get to go out to eat again? These were just my thoughts on the ride home from the allergist office. The good news was, now we had an answer and after altering her diet and months of learning and experimenting, her skin looks beautiful. You would never know how bad it once was for her. The downside is, as she has grown older, I have become more aware just how much this allergy will affect our lives. Every birthday party, day of school, church nursery, holiday, and restaurant dinner requires planning. Even more of a pain is that occasional reaction I get about "why so many kids these days have allergies". To be honest, I am not sure why my child could die if she comes in contact with the smallest amount of peanut butter. I have spent much time researching this topic to prevent this from happening in my other children and there is no hard evidence. Many theories are floating around from, its caused by early exposure to peanuts, its caused by too late of exposure to peanuts, its from people being overly clean, its from our jacked up food supply and so on. Most of the strong opinions come from a non-medical person who is not affected by allergies in any way other than not being allowed to pack a PB&J in there child’s lunch. I am so sorry to create this challenge for you but may I just share my perspective as a parent with a child who has a severe peanut allergy. As a mom who has watched her child have a severe reaction and I have had to see the terror in her face while I jabbed her with an epi-pen and wonder if she was going to live or die in my arms. From my perspective, guns in a school pales in comparison to sending a child into a room filled with a substance that I know for a fact will send my child into anaphylactic shock and as a 4 year old she has to discern what is safe or not. I am amazed at the amount of people who think there child has the right to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich more than my child has the right to live. As just another mom, I ask that you use this opportunity to teach kids compassion and know that it is a luxury to make that easy staple PB&J that most of us ate everyday growing up. Not everyone will have it that easy. Mady has an appointment in March to meet with one of the leading doctors at UNC for the food initiative or "peanut trial" as its more commonly known as and hopefully she will outgrow this allergy and not live her life in fear but rather live a life of power, love and sound mind. Okay, Nap time is wrapping up. got to go.

Why this is my most thankful Mother's Day yet

 

For as long as I can remember I always wanted to be a mom. In fact I felt I was made for it. However because the expectation was to go to college and get a degree first, that is what I set out to do. After all “you can always have kids later” I was told. During my junior year of college my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and I realized nobody is promised tomorrow. At that point Donovan and I made the decision that we would no longer prevent having children and would be thankful for the opportunity to be parents. Three months later we found out we were pregnant with our first child, Madalyn. Then once we were in a decent financial place we decided well if the Lord gives us another baby then bring it on. This is when we experienced a miscarriage and quickly had an even bigger appreciation for the miracle of life. A few months later we found out we were expecting again, and we named her Irelyn. Just after Irelyn’s first birthday, we surprisingly found out we were pregnant again! I was of course excited but also overwhelmed and sometimes annoyed by the pregnancy. Never had I experienced so much morning sickness and I had two little girls that needed me to be fully functioning.

 Then three weeks ago, my husband was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL).  The treatment is two years of chemotherapy which we are forbidden to get pregnant during, and then afterwards typically the body will no longer make sperm (everything else works just fine for those extra curious birds). We were given the option to freeze sperm that we could later use for in vitro fertilization but we said no thank you. Even though I am only 26, I have gotten the experience of being pregnant and delivering now 3 children! For this I am incredibly grateful! Donovan and I had always agreed that we wanted at least 4 kids and the plan was always to adopt at some point. How perfect did that work out?!?!  On the positive side, I guess we just don’t have to worry about birth control at the end of his treatment. 

                With all that said, never have I been as grateful to be pregnant as I am now. The timing was really perfect. Donovan’s treatment drastically slows down in October, which is the same month the baby is due!  During this whole horrendous process, I am constantly reminded that God gives life. I see it every time I pass my reflection and I feel it at the end of everyday when I am laying still enough to notice the tiny kicks. Most people who see Donovan and I walking in the hospital stop and look at us. They know something is not right with this picture. They look at his mask and then at my noticeably pregnant baby belly. I can see it in their face, they seem to lose track of what they are saying and become focused on us. I am not sure if it is shock or pity or confusion but I want to tell them that it’s ok and our story does not end here. We will live through this and proclaim the goodness of the Lord.  This baby will come in October I will treasure every moment of it.  I do not believe God sends sickness but I do believe he knew we would walk through this situation long before we did and he went before us to pave the way. This road has not been an easy one but it has been easier than I would have thought.  I have heard people say “you are so strong, I could not do it” but honestly I would have thought that too from an outsiders perspective.  I have buried myself in the word of God and do not look anywhere else. AT ALL. And somehow I just keep going.  Today is Mothers Day and I have a new appreciation for getting to be a mom and for the relentless time and energy I have seen my own mom give during this very busy season of our lives. This is truly a Mother’s day I will never forget.

Labor and Delivery of Irelyn Mae

Please keep in mind I wanted to document this event before forgetting any details but I have had a total of about 9 hours of sleep in the last 3 days so just do not expect eloquent sentence structure. I went into labor with both of my girls on their due dates and both were vaginal deliveries. Other than that, the experiences were night and day. This time I had contractions for 12 days before "true labor" began and sometimes they were fairly uncomfortable and consistent leading me to think any day could be the day. Then at 3:37 on the morning of January 6 I had a contraction that was much more intense than anything in the 12 previous days. By the third one I called my parents and told them to head this way we were going to have a baby. I got up/got dressed and when I was moving around they were 2 min or sometimes less apart. As soon as my father-in-law got to the house to watch Maddie, we headed to the hospital and by the time we got to the room it was 6:00am. I was 3 cm. Labor continued to progress but I was excited and prepared with my I-pod music so I was still in good spirits. Two hours later, I was 5cm. Things seemed to intensify fairly fast so they ordered the blood work to check my platelets before I could get the epidural. Platelets looked great. So I figured I was in the clear and was fixing to get pain relief. I had brought the x-rays of my spine showing my scoliosis as a precaution for theanesthesiologist but I was not concerned about there being a problem being this was not a concern for the person who successfully did my epidural when I had Maddie. Long story short, the anesthesiologist seemed uncomfortable (not what you want to see when he is about to mess with your spine). He attempted 3 times to insert the epidural each one including a local anesthetic shot as well. This is 6 shots into my back and I kept feeling shooting nerve pain down my right leg with each attempt. Finally he said, I can try once more or you can choose to not have an epidural. By this point, I was in so much pain and petrified that I asked Donovan to make the decision. He, witnessing the entire situation said he did not feel comfortable with another attempt. I asked the nurse what would happen if I needed a c-section being they did not have access to my spine. She said they would completely sedate me. I then became very motivated to this the old fashioned way. A nurse recommends the jacuzzi but before I could get in, the physician wanted to check me one last time. I was between 6-7cm. He asked if he could break my water. I figured my birth plan was out the window so why not. When he did, he noticed there was maconium in my fluid. This meant no jacuzzi. Now I am down to stadol as my main form of pain relief so the nurse gave me a full dose. If you have never had this medication, it makes you feel very intoxicated. One hour later, I had a strong urge to push. I actually felt like my body was pushing on its own. The nurse started yelling wait wait, let me get a glove on. With the stadol in my system, I did not really care what she had to say(or anyone else for that matter). The room was then packed, pediatrician for Irelyn do to the maconium and 2 nurses for me, 2 for the baby, Donovan and my mom. My delivering physician said, don’t push yet you are only 8.5 cm and you can tare your cervix leading to bigger problems. However do to the stadol and intense pain; I was going to push anyways. He then held back my cervix the rest of the way while I pushed her out. Because she too had so much stadol in her system she was not very active and they almost gave her narcane to reverse the effects but she pulled through. Also they did not want to stimulate her right away in case she had maconium in her mouth so her first apgar score was a 2. The next 15 min were pretty scary for Donovan and my mom who were in the room with me but luckily I was oblivious to what exactly was happening around me. Once they cleared her air way and stimulated her, she received apgar scores of 8 and then 9. Thank the Lord. Then I got to hold her and once the stadol wore off I felt like a million bucks. The recovery this time was about 10 times easier than my first one. This exciting and petrifying experience had a good ending and I can only say thank you Jesus for your holy spirit, wisdom and protection. I do not take for granted all the bumps that could have been utter disasters in this scenario. I actually felt overwhelming blessed when it was all said and done. This was the short version, but Ms. Irelyn will be waking up to eat any minute. I hope you enjoyedJ

The Adventures of Potty Training

         I must say, I entered into the potty training experience hesitant. I only knew what to expect from the wide range of advice offered by the internet and no matter the method, it was going to be messy. However I figured I had put off this whole thing long enough when Maddie started pulling down her pants and saying "pee pee mommy, pee pee" while inside Bonefish Grill on Sunday. The idea of a child sitting on a public seat with their hands touching the bowl and everything else in the bathroom just really grosses me out. But, you will be happy to know I did take her anyway, she just got a small bath in the sink afterwards.

 The most popular form of potty training from what I could tell is staying inside for a few days and letting your child run around naked. This alone seems a little odd in a culture where if your child is not clothed, someone is going to charge you with something. A friend put it "it feels like having a puppy because I keep cleaning up accidents on the floor". After the last few days I think I would agree. Last night was an experience I do not think I will ever forget but hopefully Maddie does. So, we are eating dinner and Maddie (no diaper on) starts asking for a pull-up. I knew this meant she needed to go potty so I grab her up and take off running. Well, while I am carrying her along she starts pooping. Yes, little bombs all the way to the toilet. I am yelling for help from Donovan who is still eating dinner and wondering what all the screaming is about. Mean while, I notice I have stepped on one of the piles that is now smashed between my toes. Our dog is trying to eat the poop off the floor and Maddie is crying because I think the whole experience scared her. I remember looking up and seeing Donovan’s face when he saw the "mess" across the floor and our dog making a dinner out of it. I could not help but fall down laughing because no amount of advice could have prepared me for that moment. Finally, we start cheering for maddie and gave her a piece of candy even though nothing actually made it into the potty. Oh well. I am glad to report, today Maddie (no diaper on still) comes running up to me and says "come look mommy" and walks me over to gladly show me the smallest amount of urine in her training potty. Then she asked for a lollipop. I think this is progress. Before she has wanted me to come look at her accomplishments in the potty and when I arrived she said "oh no, all gone". That sneaky little thing. Anyways, I think today was a break through. I just hope she keeps moving forward even with a new little sister. I am sure more adventures are to come either way.

Our Journey to adoption

Adoption is something I have always wanted to do. When I met Donovan and had the "how many kids do you want" conversation I was excited to find he felt the same way. At the time, I thought maybe we would have trouble conceiving and then just adopt a bunch of kids. Right now we are very thankful for our daughter Madalyn and other daughter due in a few months. However the desire to adopt has not gone away, it has actually become stronger. I am guessing this is because more parenting instincts have surfaced and we both hate now more than ever to know a child is in need. With that said, after our miscarriage in January we took the Foster parenting class here in Durham. After completing the class, we will probably not adopt through this system. The goal of foster parenting is always reunification with a biological family member and you have no idea when they may be picked up from your home after living with you. The process is very drawn out and younger children with minor health problems usually go to family members. The real need is for families who are able to adopt older children. Being that we have a two year daughter and are fairly young ourselves, we obviously will not be adopting a 15 year old child. Adopting through the foster system is the most cost effective way to go about it. Private and international adoptions through a agency run about 20,000 and up. The two least expensive international countries are Haiti and Ethiopia. (Russia is very expensive) We also have to take into account restrictions placed on the adopting family by the country the child is from. There are a lot. Examples: age, income, how long you have been married, how many children you currently have, etc. We do not have a preference on gender or race so that is in our favor. I have always felt when the time is right, the pieces will fall into place and this has not happened yet so we will keep waiting and praying. The Lord finishes what he starts and I know he has placed this desire in our hearts. Waiting and praying for children you know nothing about is much harder than being pregnant. At least I get to see this child and feel a little control over the situation. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Having a failed adoption is a common scenario. It is a emotional roller coaster but I remind myself, the Lords grace is enough and he has called us to take care of the orphans. If he has called us, I know he will equip us. Our next step is to get a home study done(when someone approves your house) and work on our savings fund. Some may say, you are pregnant, why are you doing this now? Well, we don’t want to be unprepared when the time is right and often times it can easily take a year to complete an adoption. Updates to comeJ

Inside the mind of a pregnant woman

 

The journey of parenthood is without a doubt the most exciting and yet scary adventure I have ever chosen to pursue. Madalyn and this baby were both conceived the old fashioned fun way. Fast forward a few weeks and a couple pee sticks later and the reality hit me. A baby is coming! Even though I have been pregnant before and should know what to expect, I must have chosen to forget some minor details. Now that I really think about it, I do remember days that my hips were sore, my left arm tingled and I wanted to go to bed at 7:00pm. I guess the forgetfulness that many women (including myself) experience during pregnancy is actually a blessing in disguise. Either way, I wanted to put in writing my thoughts for today so they don’t get lost amidst my pregnant brain and chasing after a toddler. Now that I am 24 weeks, I am noticeably "with child" and almost everywhere I go someone wants to talk about it. This is no problem for me because I love to talk. But, I must say some of the questions and conversations are quite amusing. Recently, a lady said "so, I see you are expecting?" I was dying to respond with I don’t know what you are talking about, but I resisted. Then came the usual: when are you due? What are you having? Have you decided on a name? How are you feeling? blah blah blah. I must say, my answer to the how are you feeling varies greatly day to day. Some days I think, this is amazing and I could do this five more times. Other days I conclude I will not have any more biological children after this one and that’s that. I find it ironic that during pregnancy you are more achy and have more headaches but don’t want to take any pain relievers. Not to mention, I am more tired than ever before and I am supposed to limit my caffeine. The stress of all this "should and should not crap" makes me want a glass of red wine which I cannot actually enjoy because it may cause fetal alcohol syndrome. So maybe I will take a relaxing bath. Oh wait, it has to be luke warm so I don’t get over heated. Sheesh. I am pretty sure all the worrying is exponentially worse than a glass of wine, a hot bath and a sushi dinner combined. On that note, as a mom I would do it all again without hesitation for Madalyn so I know I will feel the same way once I meet this baby. Feeling her kick, even if it’s in the middle of the night which tends to be the case quickly makes me forget all the petty symptoms of pregnancy. After all, what an opportunity to get to grow another human being from something microscopic into a baby. Yeah, it’s a hard job, but someone’s got to do it:)

Being a stay at home mom (sahm) in 2012

Since January 1st of this year, I have gotten the luxury of having the official job title of "homemaker" and very part-time nanny (usually 5-10 hours a week). I have recently been contemplating about how long can I do this “job” well. Being a self motivated pregnant mom at home with a 2 year old has plenty of challenges. Not to mention in today’s culture it is the social norm to drive 2 nice cars, cover the mortgage plus all other accompanying bills, and still have money to spend as you desire year-round. It is no wonder that 2 parents working has become expected. How else could you possibly ‘keep up” without marrying a doctor. On that note, this week I had an OB appointment, and the physician I saw who was an older man said “your medical chart is pretty boring, so tell me about yourself”. I took full advantage of talking with another adult and shared about being an at home mom. His response surprised me. First he said, I have a daughter who is also 24 but is in grad school. She will probably be like most of my patients who come in here in their mid thirties, fully engrossed in their careers and have a “difficult pregnancy” then she will have a hard time juggling that career with being a mom and having a healthy marriage. I said well at least she will be finically stable. He nodded his head but replied, my biggest regret in life was missing so much time my children because I ran a successful practice. I left feeling very encouraged that although I do not get a pay check every week, I get the privilege of time with Madalyn while she is young. Something I can never go back and get.