Why this is my most thankful Mother's Day yet

 

For as long as I can remember I always wanted to be a mom. In fact I felt I was made for it. However because the expectation was to go to college and get a degree first, that is what I set out to do. After all “you can always have kids later” I was told. During my junior year of college my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and I realized nobody is promised tomorrow. At that point Donovan and I made the decision that we would no longer prevent having children and would be thankful for the opportunity to be parents. Three months later we found out we were pregnant with our first child, Madalyn. Then once we were in a decent financial place we decided well if the Lord gives us another baby then bring it on. This is when we experienced a miscarriage and quickly had an even bigger appreciation for the miracle of life. A few months later we found out we were expecting again, and we named her Irelyn. Just after Irelyn’s first birthday, we surprisingly found out we were pregnant again! I was of course excited but also overwhelmed and sometimes annoyed by the pregnancy. Never had I experienced so much morning sickness and I had two little girls that needed me to be fully functioning.

 Then three weeks ago, my husband was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL).  The treatment is two years of chemotherapy which we are forbidden to get pregnant during, and then afterwards typically the body will no longer make sperm (everything else works just fine for those extra curious birds). We were given the option to freeze sperm that we could later use for in vitro fertilization but we said no thank you. Even though I am only 26, I have gotten the experience of being pregnant and delivering now 3 children! For this I am incredibly grateful! Donovan and I had always agreed that we wanted at least 4 kids and the plan was always to adopt at some point. How perfect did that work out?!?!  On the positive side, I guess we just don’t have to worry about birth control at the end of his treatment. 

                With all that said, never have I been as grateful to be pregnant as I am now. The timing was really perfect. Donovan’s treatment drastically slows down in October, which is the same month the baby is due!  During this whole horrendous process, I am constantly reminded that God gives life. I see it every time I pass my reflection and I feel it at the end of everyday when I am laying still enough to notice the tiny kicks. Most people who see Donovan and I walking in the hospital stop and look at us. They know something is not right with this picture. They look at his mask and then at my noticeably pregnant baby belly. I can see it in their face, they seem to lose track of what they are saying and become focused on us. I am not sure if it is shock or pity or confusion but I want to tell them that it’s ok and our story does not end here. We will live through this and proclaim the goodness of the Lord.  This baby will come in October I will treasure every moment of it.  I do not believe God sends sickness but I do believe he knew we would walk through this situation long before we did and he went before us to pave the way. This road has not been an easy one but it has been easier than I would have thought.  I have heard people say “you are so strong, I could not do it” but honestly I would have thought that too from an outsiders perspective.  I have buried myself in the word of God and do not look anywhere else. AT ALL. And somehow I just keep going.  Today is Mothers Day and I have a new appreciation for getting to be a mom and for the relentless time and energy I have seen my own mom give during this very busy season of our lives. This is truly a Mother’s day I will never forget.