Our Miscarriage

I know some of my friends are going to be mad at me for finding out such big news through Facebook but I could not emotionally handle a 30 minute conversation with every close friend and relative today. So please forgive me. This morning I was scheduled for my first OB appointment since finding out I was pregnant on December 11, 2011. We were very excited to get to see the little baby and hear the heartbeat. I will be 9 wks tomorrow so I expected to see a fairly human looking little guy. Unfortunately, sometimes you're plans are different than how life unfolds. During the ultrasound, the technician said, there is the gestational sac but there is no baby. She was very matter of fact about it and then said I could speak with the doctor in a few minutes. After waiting for what seemed like forever, the doctor said, please come into my office to talk. He explained, you are pregnant but there is no baby. (My thought was I am nauseous and throwing up and I don’t even get anything for it). I was still trying to make sense of it all as he started to list off our options 1. Wait for my body to abort the rest of the pregnancy, 2. Take a medication that should bring on the rest of the miscarriage or 3. Have a D&C to surgically remove the rest. As of now, I will just wait a while and pray my body does the work for me as I am not fond of medical intervention. One thing I do know is that God is good. His plans are greater than my plans and his thoughts are higher than my thoughts. He is still in control and I am grateful for the family I do have. I do not know what this all will bring for the Engelbrecht family but I do know we are not anxious to get pregnant for a little while. Focusing on the fact that I can eat sushi and have a nice glass of red wine with my dinner is very therapeutic right now. I felt the Lord tell me very early in this pregnancy, whatever happens, to write about it. I was kind of hoping that meant something fun like being pregnant with twins.haha. I did not expect it was to be pregnant with no baby. I think miscarriages of any kind are greatly under talked about. Now that I have had one, I see why. After being emotionally drained, the last thing I feel like doing is talking about. Especially over and over again. So please do not take offense for me not calling you. Donovan and I each only called our mothers. However, everyone knows we were expecting, because I am terrible at keeping exciting news a secret. I do not regret telling everyone so early on, because I want people to be aware of what just happened and to know why I need a little time to myself. I am not a private person, so not telling that we were pregnant and not telling that we had a miscarriage would have actually hurt the healing process in my opinion. Yesterday I read half of the book Heaven is for Real, and in it, the main character tells his mom about his second sister that he met while in heaven. At first the mom was confused, saying you only have one sister. Then the mom realizes, that must have been the baby she had lost at 8 weeks. I believe that all life is a miracle and not until we see someone working to save it or trying so hard to have it, do we really appreciate it. If anything good comes from this situation, I pray that all glory goes to God, the giver of life and every good and perfect gift.